Nearing towards the end.

Its been more than 6 months since an entry has been made here. I am totally sorry in case should anyone been following my journey.

Firstly like always I'm still at the same workplace and a lot has ever since changes. I have a new partner(sort of) who is always sleepy and keeps on coming late to work. I also get to work with an old mate that is Peradi. He is someone you might call a "Seargeant Major". He has that looks which intimidate others and definitely scary to some if you don't know him well enough but in actual fact he is a very nice man and he teaches me a lot of stuff during work which sometimes I am not well versed at and also things which is I am an inexperience at. He's like a father figure to me because outside of work he also gave me a good advice.

Secondly, I have stopped Mechanical Engineering studies and I am going to apply for the Specialist Diploma in Workplace Safety & Health which is somewhat related to the job that I am doing right now. If I ever get to gain an admission in that course, I will definitely find a new job as I will have a better prospect in the near future. I am not being appreciated for the work I have done at all and nobody does seems to care or bother about what I have to say.

Being truthful to anyone reading this blog, I am feeling a little frustrated and down at the moment. I just wish for anyone or anybody to just come save me from this plight. I am definitely feeling empty in my life. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. I'm not frustrated at the fact of breaking up instead I felt relieved because I've just realised that after this years that I've been with her, I'm just forcing myself to be what she wants and not what I want. Enough of this lovey dovey affair but I'm just happy that I have been freed.

What really got me frustrated is sometimes I wonder what am I working for and what actually do I get for working. I'm just 23 years of age but it seems that I'm being loaded with a lot of responsibilities and it also doesn't help the fact that I'm the eldest of the 4. I really wish that I could be like the rest of the 23years old in the world but too bad I don't have the luxury.

All I ever see in this life is darkness. What I mean is that I go to work in the early hours of the morning when the sun has yet to rise and I go back home when the sunsets and where the night creeps in. I dread going home and I prefer staying out because all I ever get when I return from work is much more stressful and more saddening than my workplace. Everybody loves to go home but for me, I dread it because everytime I step into my house it will be dark and everybody is asleep. I would just shower and listen to my Ipod and doze off to sleep. I wish to be able to talk to my own family or maybe be like other family. But hell no! no one even bother and the food at home is totally disheartening. I sat and ponder why am I even contributing to the household if all I am ever going to get is only food which is only to my mum's or dad's liking.

Joy of earning own money is not what I feel everytime I look at my pay. It's all being controlled and I have to seek permission. I feel numb and just too fed up to think about my pay. I just wish that for just once in my life I can make the decision on my own and also be like any other 23 years old out there. I just a normal kid not a family man and I definitely do not want to hold too much responsibilities that I can hardly accomplished.

*Dear God, if you ever listen to what I have pray,make me strong to face this situation.